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Thursday, February 5, 2015

A Solution to Global Warming: Humans Need to be Eaten


Global warming is a huge topic of debate and has been for decades, but what is the real problem here? Pollution. What causes pollution? Humans.

Lets just look at some figures here:

There are just over 7 billion people on earth.
As of 2010 human beings were generating in access of 33 billion metric tonnes of carbon emissions per year.

This means that per capita humans generate at least 4.7 metric tonnes of carbon emissions--that's over 10 trillion pounds of carbon per year per person!!!

 That's more CO_2 per person per year than the entire human race produces per year through respiration (breathing)!

So, this is only a tiny fraction of the pollution human beings cause. We also produce so much garbage we make new islands and mountains out of it (literally). We contribute to ecological pollution as well by destroying or altering natural habitats and over exploiting plant and animal life.

The fact of the matter is our current rate of pollution is quickly killing our planet and will lead to the eventually demise of humanity by one simple principle: if we can't eat, breath or drink then we will die.

Now let's consider the fact that human beings are reproducing far beyond any other species of mammal at an exponential rate that simply has no comparison:


In studying population growth in my calculus classes I've learnt an extremely important principal: in order to establish a stable population there must be predation. The sad fact of the matter is human population growth alone is enough to ensure the untimely demise of our little green planet. Therefore I must conclude that the only way to save the Earth and the human race is to control human population growth.  Sure we could institute reproduction limiting laws like in China, but that leads to so many tragic stories of abandoned baby girls. Sure we could educate our teens about safe sex and hand out condoms at school, but it's not going to help because guys think "it just feels better" without one. Sure we could do any number of things to try to limit population growth but even the 11 million Mormons out there are more than enough to keep the human race growing out of control and ensure our destruction.

I must conclude that there is only one solution to the Global warming problem:



Predation! Yes Predation! Humans simply need a worthy predator. Yes, the key to our human survival is to be eaten by something else! The only way to limit human consumption is to be consumed. Well, unfortunately there don't seem to be predators out there that like to snack on humans at least not at a rate that would even put a dent in our population growth. Maybe we could genetically engineer some monstrous creature that eats people, but I doubt that could work--we'd just kill it before it had the chance to grow.


Perhaps in the future our race will survive as a result of an alien invasion where the aliens like to eat people and our survival will be ensured much like we humans have ensured the survival of cattle because we love to eat them. Nah, never going to happen unless they come from another dimension or have somehow mastered light speed travel or something better.

 Fortunately for us there are already predators that feed on humans and kill millions of us per year. The most powerful predators against humans are often overlooked because they are so dang small: bacteria and viruses.



In all of recorded human history the only thing that has ever put a dent in the human population growth chart was the Plague: a simple bacteria.  Even with all the death it caused we managed to overcome it, but could the future of humanity actually depend on bacterial or viral population control? I mean, it seems like it's either going to be something like that or a Soilent Green sort of thing and I'd personally rather be eaten by genetically engineered super bacteria than other humans....


Sources:
http://co2now.org/Current-CO2/CO2-Now/global-carbon-emissions.html
google.com
https://micpohling.wordpress.com/2007/03/27/math-how-much-co2-is-emitted-by-human-on-earth-annually/

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